Helpless

 

                                                                                               

I remembered my college professor in Psychology. He’s a discreet gay. I don’t listen to him that much probably because he is just fond of the boys in the class and he enjoys reading from the book than discussing the topic but there is this one topic that he discussed that caught my attention and I feel that it is his favourite topic to discuss because he delivered it with much confidence and passion. It was like watching a declamation. Until now I can still remember it with much vividness. It was a topic about the stages of lost. You just need to remember these acronym then you’re all set D-A-B-D-A.

Stages

Denial:  this is the 1^st stage of lost. This stage is something automatic. You’re probably thinking of the following if you’re still on this stage. (I know she’ll change her mind, she can’t do that to me, what we had was indescribable, giving benefit of the doubt when all the evidence that she’s gone is hitting you in your face.)

Anger: The bad part. The 2^nd stage. This stage is when you get mad because you can’t get what you want. It’s either you can’t change the mind of your partner or just an expression of frustration. Trying not to go through this stage will just hurt you more and more but you can also get stuck on this stage. That is what happened to those ex-couple that doesn’t talk at all it was probably because they got stuck on this stage.

Bargaining: This is the stage when you thought everything is ok but it is not. Example:  It’s ok if she left me at least I have more time to do what I always wanted to do. Maybe this is for the best, my life was never this peaceful when she’s around.

Depression: This is the stage where you don’t care about the other 3 stages. This is the stage when you give yourself the chance to grieve over it and you would probably think of giving up everything just to have her back but you can’t do anything. This is the stage for self pity, having low self esteem and sensibility. The stage when you just shut everything in your life just for that time to grieve.

Acceptance: This is the final and best stage. Not everyone reaches this phase and it is the exact reason why your ex is not talking to you or why you’re not talking to your ex. It is because one of you hasn’t accepted the fact that some good things have to end.

If you went through every stage without any difficulty, then good for you but it is not always the case, sometimes you are already in the depression stage but can’t get over it so you’ll deny the fact again that the person you love is already gone so you go back to the 1^st stage and go through all the stages again. Life!

Never linger on the anger part. It will not do any good to your life. If everything feels bad, just don’t make it worse. Love until it hurts and love until it hurts no more. Think about every positive thing about her lock it in your memory bank. Forgive and move on.

I never thought I can write a self-help blog. Funny! But I hope it helps.